Out of Service
by KaydenceRei
Summary: DISCONTINUED.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own anything of SVU. Just the ridiculous ideas that you're about to read in this crazed story.

**Author's Note**: This is the sequel, to the long-lived story, 'The Door Spawned From Hell'. It's going to be ridiculous, stupid, and if it goes anything like the prequel, it's going to be outrageously funny. So sit back, and get ready for a wild laugh.

**Out Of Service**: Chapter One

It had been a long day. Olivia Benson sat at her desk, fumbling with her pen. It was late, and she had reports to get through along with several other people who were still around. But when Monique Jeffries ran up to her, she glanced up with a raised eyebrow.

Monique frowned, bouncing up and down slightly with a strange look on her face. "Olivia.. I swear to god.. I've been trying so hard, but I need to go to the bathroom, I can't hold it in any longer!"

Olivia stared openly for a moment, unsure what exactly to say. "Then go pee.. nobody is stopping you."

"You don't understand.." Monique said with a slight whine, something she'd never done before. "I _really_ need to go."

Olivia stared still. "And your point is?" she questioned.

Monique frowned. "I can't go in there on my own.. Olivia.. please?" she begged. "Don't make me go in there on my own.."

Olivia rolled her eyes, but stood up nonetheless. She understood the dilemma, just slightly if anything. That was the only reason she was going with Monique.

Olivia waited with Monique on the line to use the men's bathroom. Today, was going to be bad. The women's restroom was out of service, and it seemed, every woman was in need to go. It took ten minutes before the two ladies even reached the inside of the bathroom.

Monique crossed her legs, her eye twitching slightly. "I swear.. I can't hold it in for two more minutes.." she grumbled out.

"You are.. by far, one of the most depressing women in this precinct at the moment," Olivia muttered out, shaking her head. "If you have to go so bad, use the urinal."

Monique's eyebrows shot up, as if considering. "Should I?"

"You have to go bad enough you'd actually do that?" Olivia questioned, shock crossing her face.

"You.. have no.. idea.." Monique muttered.

Olivia grinned. "I dare you.."

Monique considered it once again. How was she supposed to say no after being dared? Monique Jeffries didn't back down from a dare. Instead of moving on in the line, she noted that several people were now watching her. "Fine.. fine I will!"

Olivia bit her lip, said nothing, and watched as Monique made her way over to the urinal. She watched in awe, along with every other woman, as Monique dropped her pants, squatted over the urinal, and let loose.

A few of the other women glanced at each other. It wasn't half bad of an idea now.. and they wouldn't have been the first one to do it. So.. several others moved onto the urinals as well.

"Feel better?" Olivia asked Monique.

Monique grinned, getting patted on the back by several women who now envied her for her tolerance and ability to do that. "You have no idea.."

"Good.." Olivia stated. "Now I can get back to work, and try to pretend I didn't just see five women take a piss in the urinal."

&&&&&&&&&

It was past ten o'clock now. Hardly anyone was still left in the squad room. Monique was still there. That was a plus. And Olivia found herself crossing her legs under her desk, and making that very same face Monique had been earlier. She bit her lip, and continued to write her report. She'd be done soon, then she could go home and use her own bathroom and not the men's room. God save her, she did _not_ want to resort to those measures.

A few more minutes of writing, and she was starting to realize why Monique had to do it. She was a woman, and damn it, she could no longer hold it even if her life depended on it. "Monique.." she said after a moment.

Monique looked up. "Yeah?" she asked. But when she saw Olivia's face, she understood. "Ooookay, calm down, take a deep breath!" she commanded, standing up and walking over. "Stand up, try not to think about it, and take deep breaths as we walk towards _the room_."

"Okay.. Okay.." Olivia let it out. "I can do this.. I can use that germ infested toilet.. and oh gosh.. I can't use those things.." she said, getting ready to dart away.

Monique grabbed her by the arm. "Oh yes you can, you can do it," she urged. "It's not as tough as you think, and I'm gonna go with you, Liv," she said in her friendly tone. "You went with me, I'm gonna go with you.."

Olivia bit her lip as they stood in front of the door. She glanced up at the plate on it, 'Men's Room' is what the plate read. She frowned. "I can't go in there.. this is so wrong.. woman wasn't meant to use man's pisser.."

"Oh man, that's it," Monique said with a groan. And she pulled the door open and shoved Olivia in. "Go. Pee. _Now._"

Olivia blinked.. look around. She held in a screech, feeling that would be childish, and held back a slap, as that would have been bitchy. So instead, she sulked, said nothing, and wandered into a stall.

Monique smirked, folding her arms across her chest. She'd never seen the flood of emotions before that had crossed Olivia's face. And she'd never seen the detective sulk either. Either way, it was absolutely hilarious. And something she wasn't bound to forget.

Olivia walked out a few moments later. There was a look on her face, that Monique couldn't quite place into a category. It was some kind of mix between anger, disgust, and relief.

"Well?" Monique asked, her head tilted slightly to the side.

Olivia bore holes into Monique's face with her eyes. "I hate you.. but God do I love you at the same time.."

"Isn't that like.. the outlook on your partnership with Elliot?" Monique asked with a grin.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "That's not funny," she grumbled.

Monique held in a laugh, and then moved to the door. "Oh my gosh.."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "What is it? What's wrong?" she asked, running next to Monique.

"Where's the handle??" Monique asked. "My god.. the handle to door is gone!"

Olivia stared at the door in horror. "What the hell are we supposed to do?" she asked. "Oh no.. we're locked in this disgusting germ infested pisshole!"

Monique stared in horror as well. Sure.. taking a quick bladder relief was perfectly well and good. But there was no way they'd survive being locked inside. It was a death sentence. This was the death room!

"What should we do?" Olivia questioned. The look of horror was slowly beginning to fade as the color came back to her face. "I need to take my mind off of my surroundings.."

Monique nodded. "Me too.. thinking happy won't help. Think of something worse.. think of something that you think is worse than this, and be glad you aren't there," she decided. "That's what we'll do! That way, we can be happy that we're here and not there!"

Olivia nodded. "Good.. good idea.." she managed to get out. "What do you think is worse?" she asked.

"Clowns.." Monique said. "God I hate those ugly things.. a circus is so much worse than this," she admitted, sitting down on the floor, far away from the stalls and the urinals. "What about you, Olivia? What's worse than this for you?" she asked.

Olivia frowned and thought about it. "A farm.." she mumbled. "Cows freakin' creep me out.."

Monique stared at her. "What?"

"Cows.. they're creepy," Olivia said with a shrug. "There's always so damn many of them, I mean.. always more cows than there are people. What if, just one day, the cows see the poor grandpa driving the tractor around and decide, 'Hey.. that's pretty cool, I want to do that..' or maybe they wanted to live in the house, eat at the dinner table, wear clothes.. what do we do then?"

"Let me get this straight.." Monique started. "You're a cop, who tracks down criminals and predators daily, and your biggest fear, is that cows are going to want to act like humans and kick an old grandpa off his tractor?" she questioned. "You need to talk to Huang.. I think you're getting too much field time."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Hey.. you're afraid of some twit wearing a big red wig, a red nose, and some white face paint, wearing stupid puffy clothes.." she said with amusement. "Don't make fun of my fear for cows."

Monique let out an exasperated gasp. "How did you know Ronald McDonald was the main clown I was afraid of?!" she asked quickly.

"What?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow up. "Did you say Ronald.. McDonald..?"

Monique shook her head. "Nope.. no.. don't know what you could possibly be talking about.." she mumbled, looking around.

Olivia looked around, and held out a hand to Monique, "Let's just.. not tell anyone about this little chat..." she suggested.

"Deal.." Monique stated, shaking Olivia's hand.

"OLIVIA!"

Olivia looked around, a look of fear and shock on her face. "Oh gosh.. Monique.. there's a damned ghost in here too!"

Monique looked around in utter fear. "Holy hell.." she managed. "We're gonna die in here, Olivia.."

"I'm not a ghost!"

Olivia and Monique grabbed each other's hands and looked around.

"What are you then?" Olivia asked. She was both interested and scared, but hell, fascination came in all forms.

"I'm Alex!!" the voice said. And Alex Cabot came flying out of one of the stalls and onto the bathroom floor in front of both the women.

"EEK!" Monique cried out with a shudder, grabbing for Olivia again.

Olivia stared in shock. "Alex! Oh my god! It _is_ a ghost!"

Monique stared, her eyes huge. And she reached her foot out, using the her big toe to poke at this Alex woman. Her foot hit. "Oh gosh.. it's a non-transparent ghost! You can't kick through her!" she yelled out, latching onto Olivia.

Alex rolled her eyes. "Am not!" she said back. "I'm in the Witness Protection Program.."

"Why the hell are you in the men's bathroom?" Olivia asked her. She was confused, and yet, still she found herself fascinated.

Alex shrugged. "Who would think to look for me in the men's bathroom?" she asked them both.

Olivia and Monique both looked at each other, and shrugged. "Good point.." they both said at the same time.

"But why are the both of you in here, sitting around, and discussing your crazed fears of clowns and... cows.." Alex questioned. She sat up, staring at both of them with a weird look, but dared not say they were idiots for it.

Olivia and Monique glanced at each other, but it was Olivia who spoke up.

"We're locked in.." Olivia stated. "We're trying to forget how bad this is.."

Alex shrugged. "I've lived in here.. you guys hungry?"

Olivia and Monique shared another look.

"Better believe we are," Monique said with a grin. "You have food? In _here_?" she questioned.

Alex grinned and nodded. "Sure do!" she said with happiness in her voice. "Just watch!" she told them, and stood up. She walked over to the furthest stall in the back of the bathroom, opened the door, gave to small toe kicks to the wall and a secret door slid open.

Olivia and Monique stared in awe, as they watched Alex walk out with cookies.

"My god.." Olivia said.

"No kidding!" Monique said, a grin on her lips. "The men's room is the dark side.. but my goodness.. it wasn't a joke that the dark side had cookies!"

**&&&&&&&&&&&**

**So. This was chapter one. Surprised? Laughing? Good. I was aiming for all of the above! We can all thank FreeStyler9125, for giving me the idea of Alex in the bathroom stall. I got a good kick out of that one! Be prepared for stupidity, in the following chapter as well! Because this story is FAR from over!**

**-Kay**


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